I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
