is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
