I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
