i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
