well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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