Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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