bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
