i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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