Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dignity is for republicans.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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