Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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