shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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