Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
