im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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