Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
