Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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