I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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