just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
