What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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