we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
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God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
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I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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