so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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