I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I could fuck to npr.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
