Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
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New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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