Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
