Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
