I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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