Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
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OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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