Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
