Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
