1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
