I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
