I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
