I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
