Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I am one with the molecules
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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