I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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