You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Modeâ€. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
