I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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