I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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