i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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