So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's not a walk of shame if you run
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
