we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
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Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
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I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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