Welp...herpes.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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