I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
