You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
