He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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