I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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