hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
