It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
