bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
