honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
