My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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