Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
