i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
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