i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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