Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
