didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
