it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize