honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
