And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
When are your genitals available?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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