I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
