Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
