I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it glows. i had to have it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
