the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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