Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
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my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
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Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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