I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
