Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
