Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
