i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
