My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I look better un-naked...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
