I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
