I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
