1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Say something about gay babies.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
