oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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