Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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