Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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