If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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