i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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