Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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